Today I want to continue explaining how a personality ethics base can lead to life long struggle and how one key component can catapult you in the right direction. As I mentioned before, personality ethics utilizes “surface” techniques, and many times they end up being tied to our environments. You hear many say things like, “I will be happy when the weather is better”, or “Thank god its Friday”. I believe our vocabulary subconsciously dictates our emotions. The one major reason I believe this to be true are that people in general do not feel responsible for what happens to them. They feel victimized by circumstance, and they have no control over their lives. I felt this way for quite some time. I was a smoker, who did not exercise, and generally did not take very good care of myself. In turn I hopped from job to job through my early adulthood, always blaming the company I worked for for my unhappiness. One day I woke up, and discovered that I could not take this roller coaster of pain any longer. I began to take notice how damaging my life had become. That day the pain of the status quote had become much more painful than my impending change.
A second thing happened that day as well. As I was asking myself a series of questions (which the question topic will be discussed at a later date) on how to get past my pain, my brain responded with “You have a choice, stupid!!” THAT very answer stirred up a lot of very scary, confusing emotions. At that very moment I realized I was solely responsible for what had and is happening in my life. I have no one else to blame for me, and had to build the CHARACTER to handle this new found discovery. I could no longer allow people to anger myself, as I had a choice. I no longer had to do things I did not want to do, I had a choice.
Certainly there a several times our choices are made for us, but that is usually determined by what the consequences (both good and bad) will be. Some will argue that going to work or school is not by our choice. Yet, it truly is our choice, but we usually make that choice without thought. That is because the consequences of our choice have greater influence than the choice we are making. What I mean is if you choose to not go to work, the consequence may be to not get paid or get fired. The thought of that consequence may create more pain within you, than actually getting up and going to work. I call that a consequence driven choice, and we deal with many of them on a daily basis. At the same time, when you are presented with a consequence driven choice, you can make a conscious effort to acknowledge it, and understand that you still have a choice. That very thought will enlighten and empower you and probably put a smile on your face.
Now I know that the wrestlers in the audience are probably asking what this all has to do with wrestling, and mental preperations and the sort, but trust me, this will all get tied together in the near future. When it does, you will have what I call an “A-ha” moment, where the light in your head comes on and you see your world around you in a whole different light.
I will leave you with an exercise that will truly help you out. For the next 21 days (how many days it takes to create solid habits) try to make better choices. The way to do this is when you are presented with a choice, stop for a minute, think about it, and then make the best choice you can. Now if it comes down to what to eat, or what clothes to where, don’t spend any time on it as those are irrelevant. Any serious matter requires the power of choice. It will be difficult for a while, but you will notice it is well worth it.
Our next discussion will be based on dependent people and how to move to independency by being proactive.
thanks,
Gerry
good article, does make a good point. i still feel that we don’t always have a choice though. What happens if you have a coach who is an idiot, and doesn’t know how to teach wrestling skills. You don’t have a choice in that.
Jim, I know that sometimes you don’t directly have a choice because it may be something out of your control. You do have the choice on how to deal with it. You could be proactive and learn outside you normal wrestling schedule. You could also volunteer to help your coach. The more he sees you trying to help, the more he will seek your help, until finally he is seeking your advice. Just remember you need to make the choice to find a way to change what you don’t like. Hope this helps
Gerry