My quest for personal greatness
Personal Change
Asking the right questions….
Sep 2nd
Since our brains are programmed to give us the answers we seek, it only seems logical to ask ourselves the right questions. The problem is what are the right questions? There really are no right or wrong questions. Some questions just get better results faster than others. It is kind of like trial and error. We ask ourselves a question, get an answer and see how it suits us. If it’s not knocking our socks off, than we ask another.
Thats crazy huh? Like I said before we were given the keys to the most powerful computer on earth and someone forgot to include the instructions on how to use it.
How will we know when we have the right answer? Yet another good question. I believe the answer to be “When it feels like the right answer.” When the right answer comes along it will feel like a blanket has been lifted off you, and you will feel a sense of breakthrough. You will see your situation in a whole new light almost like a revelation. At that very moment is when you asked the right question and received the answer you desired.
Empowing beliefs vs. Limiting beliefs
May 16th
After reading an article by Kevin Seaman about empowering and limiting beliefs I began thinking about my life long struggle with this. As some of you may know I spent many of my adolescent years wrestling. I had some marginal successes, but never really achieved the level of success I yearned for. I watched in frustration as many of my teammates surpassed me to reach great levels of success. This frustration was a result of KNOWING I was as good if not better at the physical aspect of the sport. The problem is that the physical aspect makes up maybe 20% of the overall skill set required to compete.
I did not understand about the mental aspect and the severe implications the brain can put on success. We all use “inner talk” where we talk to ourselves. I do it quite a bit. As a matter of fact you are probably doing it right now. Asking such questions as, “Do people really talk to themselves?”, or “I never talk to myself.” A rough figure is that people talk to themselves in upwards of 50,000 words a day. Can you imagine that? Its no wonder we have conflicting internal beliefs.
After reflecting on my own conflicts I have come up with a couple empowering and limiting beliefs on why I struggled with success in wrestling as an adolescent.
Empowering Beliefs:
- I know how to work hard and push myself and others in practice. I believe I work as hard if not harder than my opponents in practice.
- I pick up on good physical technique rather quickly. I overcome the learning curve of various physical techniques rather quickly. I have a knack for being able to “feel” that I am moving in the correct manner. Opposite of that, I can feel if my practice partner is executing proper technique as well.
- I am an extremely good teacher at physical techniques as well. I think it is a result of the “feel” skill I possess.
- I demand perfection in doing the technique correctly. I believe “practice makes perfect” only if the “practice” part is executed correctly.
Limiting beliefs:
- I am a people pleaser. I put others feelings and beliefs ahead of mine. I hate to let others down. This one in of its self is not too bad, but when you couple it with the next one, it becomes poisonous.
- I fear the expenditure of large quantities of energy into something to only fail at it. So entering a contest, or venture that requires large sums of work, and their is no certain success creates anxiety within me.
- I created a comfort zone as a child to deal with the less than stellar parenting skills of my mother. I learned from her that failure is failure and not a learning experience. Any type of failure in wrestling was followed by extreme ridicule and sometimes violence. My comfort zone consisted of complete shut down from the rest of the world. I would just sit there and take the abuse. To fight it was futile, and a fight would only prolong the experience. I learned very quickly to shut up, and not “poke the bear”. The major problem I think that came from this was that I was unaware of it, and it started to spill into the rest of my life.
- The “comfort zone” spawned into a win-loss mentality that took over my life. It was easier to take the loss and give up than to push forward and win. Simple “disagreements” with people about trivial stuff would result in my just “going along” with them so I wouldn’t have to be in a confrontation. This was truly selling myself out and it indeed created pain, but I had a way of coping.
The internal conflict can be spelled out as follows. I know how to practice and work like a champion, but my fear of failure and my loss-win mentality hand-cuffs me from ever being a champion. Essentially my mind is sabotaging my body. The bright spot here is that I am aware of all this. The knowledge is on the table. Couple this knowledge with the fact that my old comfort zone is more painful than the journey to change this habit, I am well on my way to setting new and better habits.
Thanks,
Gerry
One reason change can be hard
May 4th
O.k., here we go, our first story…
About 5 weeks ago I got an Email on my Facebook page. This person had introduced themselves as the program director at CNYMMA, a mixed martial arts school. A while back I had befriended them on Facebook and discussed the possibility of trying them out. Like most people I procrastinated and said, “I’ll call them tomorrow”, and everyday it was always “tomorrow”.
The new program director was different. I was at work when she called, and I recognized the number, so I answered. (Which anyone who knows me personally, I don’t answer my phone too much.) I can’t explain why, but I did. She introduced herself and the first thing she asked was “What are your goals?”. I have never had anyone ask me that question. I was kind of caught off guard, and had to take a minute to think. I then realized that even though I had goals, they really weren’t concrete. I had to actually think about it, rather than rattle them off quickly.
So, after some thought, I explained my goals to her. She didn’t waste anytime and asked when I wanted to take my free introductory class. Once again, she caught me off guard, and I had to think quickly. So I answered “whenever, anytime after 4pm” (that’s what time I leave work), and at that moment I was committed, there was no backing out now, I was stuck. So, she quickly came back with, “How about tonight at 6:45?” Boy this girl was good! Caught off guard again. So of course, now freshly committed, I said “Sure.”
6:30pm that night I arrived at the gym with a thousand things racing through my mind. The thought of just ditching the whole idea came to mind quite a few times. I was extremely nervous, and my confidence level was in the basement. I walked in and introduced myself, and we went into her office. We began to talk about my background, my family, my dreams, my fears and just about everything in between. It was great to be able to talk with someone about myself, and have them get excited for me.
She began to explain the history of CNYMMA, and what their mission was. They are committed to setting and achieving goals. They believe in setting a huge goal, and breaking it down into little weekly goals. As well as setting goals they encourage tracking them as well. I felt in good hands, and the excitement was building, until she threw me to the wolves….
Practice started, and I fell in line (in the back of the room of course). We warmed up, the typical stuff, and stretched. Then we partnered up and the instructor began showing us some punching combos. WHOLLY COW, me eyes got as big as the sun. “How am I gonna do this?”, I thought to myself. Well, I had a partner with some experience and I caught on pretty quickly. All in all the night was a success, and I signed on right on the spot.
5 weeks later, and I have set a major goal for next summer of competing in my first full contact fight. This long term goal has spawned many smaller sub-goals as well. Diet change, mental conditioning, weight training, goal tracking. These are things I have never considered before, and they are very empowering.
So the moral to this story is basically, when you want to try something, don’t give it too much thought. Our minds have a way of talking us out of things. It does this to keep us safe, because the “unknown” is inherently dangerous to us. Also, if you want to make a change, you need to “clear the path”, and make the transition smooth and unobstructed. This excellent book by the Heath Brothers explains how to make change easier.
The program director, made my decisions easy, because she cleared the path. She forced me to commit, and didn’t accept any “I will need to think about it” answers. But you don’t need someone to make you commit. Think about a change you want to make, or something you want to try, and determine the next action, do it, and take the baby steps to get there. Don’t think about details, you can figure those out along the way. Just keep the big picture in mind and live big.
thanks,
Gerry
