Welcome back everyone!  I have been very busy the last couple of months and have put writing on the back burner.

Yesterday (8/7/2011) I finished up my self proclaimed “28 Day Challenge”.

Mark Rockwell

This challenge was basically me training for the Kelly LeBare 5K Race. Roughly 28 days ago my long time friend Mark Rockwell challenged me on Facebook to compete in this race.  He is having a fantastic journey, (click on his name above and READ it. It’s a true story of guts and determination!) and has motivated me to step out of my physical comfort zone to shock my system. (It couldn’t have come at a better time!)

Stepping out of your comfort zone

I have never been a big time runner, and my view of running was something you did to train for wrestling. Short sprints, and running to failure and exhaustion was the basis of running. Sure, I ran 5Ks during the triathlons I competed in, but I never took running seriously, and never trained consistently at it.  This was going to be a major shift in my physical paradigm, and really required a different way of thinking from me.  (Thus the shift in comfort zone).

SMART goals are not as smart as your habits.

Along with this 28 day challenge I decided to try a mental challenge as well.  I realized there is a correlation to achieving goals and forming supporting habits.  Now, this is by no means a new idea and the goal setting “experts” have been talking about habits and goals for quite some time.  I believe these experts just delivered the idea in the wrong order. I think the traditional concept of SMART goal setting is too complicated and clunky to be successful.  In addition to the “clunkyness”, I feel it assumes that once the idea and the steps are identified, it will be done on shear “WILL”.  Willpower is an exhaustible resource in my eyes because forcing yourself to do something will eventually return less and less positive results as time goes on.  (Think New Years Resolutions!)  I believe cultivating the habits that will support your goal pursuit are far more effective than any super complicated goal achievement plan.

Worry about perfecting only after you get started!

So I decided to put my theory to the test by creating a 28 day challenge.  I did not spend any time planning or structuring it.  I just started doing whatever felt right and adjusted my course to fit my needs.  I basically made it up as I went along and here is what I discovered.

Habits are solely the greatest tool you can cultivate in order to achieve success!

I have been fighting a losing battle to an addiction to tobacco for the majority of my life. Addictions are basically habits coupled with physical dependence.  I wanted to put the theory of using a habit to change a habit to the test and decided to consciously quit nicotine and replace it with exercise by linking both habits in my mind and tracking the results daily.

Parallel to my “habit for habit” theory, I began testing another habit theory based on task

My Daily List

planning.  Have you ever heard the saying, “Plan your work and work you plan”?  If not, it’s extremely powerful to spend a few minutes planning out your day in advance.  By planning I mean figuring out the most important tasks that move you further in your life’s goals.  I know we all have daily tasks that require our attention, but many end up making those the bulk of their day and never make the important “moving forward” tasks a priority. According to Anthony Robbins, ”Most people fail in life because they major in minor things.”

Every morning I woke up, just after brewing my morning coffee, I would sit down and write down my daily task list.  At first, I had to consciously remind myself to do this, to put pen to paper and “think about the important stuff”. Luckily is was very easy to do, and it was fun for me to do it (I am a notorious list maker by nature).  After about 6-7 days I realized that instinctively I was reaching for my list without even thinking about it.  I became very excited that a positive habit could take hold so quickly.  I attribute the success to a couple of factors:

1. Consistent, daily practice of the habit:  I did it directly after making my coffee (also a habit) and…
2. I would reward myself by checking that off the list every day.  (Habit forming should be part of your daily list of tasks to do.

After the second full week of my daily list habit, I felt I needed a “recap”, a review of my progress, so I decided to incorporate a weekly review/look ahead habit.  This habit has been quick to develop because I think it “piggy backs” the list habit and gets absorbed and included.  (Piggy backing may be another strategy that I am going to experiment with). The reviews allow me to track my progress, and it sparks ideas for the future.  It essentially gets me to plan the future by recalling what I finished in the past.  While reviewing and planning, I can begin to see if any future habits will need to be created, or quite possibly eliminating bad habits I already possess.

I can safely say that 28 days later I have developed 4 distinct positive habits that, although in infancy stage and require daily conditioning, are indeed on auto-pilot and support the behaviors I will need to succeed in any goal I decide to pursue.

In summary, when your goal has been decided on:

1. Begin by working from a list every day. (First and greatest habit in my opinion, and will support any goal you have in life!)
2. Determine what habits (unconscious behavior) will best support your goals.  If you have bad habits (smoking, drinking, junk food), consciously replace that habit with a healthy positive habit (running, walking, biking).  All you have to do is mentally tell yourself, “I want to replace smoking with running, and tell yourself that every time you find yourself craving a smoke, or you decide to feel like running.
3. Write those habits on your daily list, and cross them off every time you complete them. (Don’t forget to include the “list habit” as well!)
4. Create the weekly review/look ahead habit and do it once a week.
5. Most of all enjoy the progress, and the challenge.  Also remember to focus on the big picture and if you hick-up one day acknowledge it, blow it off and move on. These are lifelong habits and one day here and there are not going to destroy the grand scheme of things.

Websters definition of a belief: A state or habit of mind in which trust or confidence is placed in some person or thing. Our personal beliefs, both powering and dis-empowering, are based on our personal references or life experiences.  All throughout our lives, we experience first hand, many things that our subconscious files away for later reference.  The problem is we do not control “what” is referenced because we may not be aware of or even in control of “what”.  We go through life experiencing hap-hazard references that may not be how we intended them to be interpreted.  All these little references begin to build one large belief and we hope it will empower us.  These types of references are know as first-hand because you experience them yourself.

A second type of reference that adds to a “belief” are second-hand references.  These you may get from reading books, surfing the web, watching TV, or listening to friends.  Once again if we are not careful we can pick up negative references from outside sources that can lead to dis-empowering beliefs.  In the book, “Choices and Illusions: How did I get where I am, and how do I get where I want to be?” by Eldon Taylor, he tells a story about a female Eagle named Nina who as a chick fell from her nest and wandered into a chicken coupe.  She was adopted by an older Hen and learned the ways of the chickens.  She learned how to scratch the earth, dig for grubs and be a good overall chicken.    Through second-hand references she believed she was a chicken even though she did not “feel” like one.  She often wondered why she could not lay eggs and all the other hens consoled her and told her, “in time Nina your body will catch up, you just needed to try harder; after all your biological mother failed you and didn’t teach you how to be a chicken”, and “that it wasn’t her fault”.  So overtime she developed many references that created a deep belief that she was a chicken and she went through life not knowing her true potential she possessed as an Eagle.  One day a male eagle spotted Nina and descended on the chicken yard and cornered Nina.  Trapped by the male eagle, Nina crouched down in fear, almost paralyzed by her expectation.  The male eagle asked “What are you doing here? Your an Eagle, you should be soaring through the sky on great adventures, not nesting with chickens.”  Nina being a smart “chicken” had an idea and said to the eagle, “If I am an Eagle that can soar through the sky, and do amazing things, then you’re not going to hurt me?”.  ”No” said the male Eagle, “of course not – what nonsense is that?”.  ”Well, then,” Nina confidently added, “show me. Step aside so I could leave if I choose to.”  The male Eagle stepped aside and Nina seized the opportunity and made best of her plan and ran straight for the chicken house.  Once inside she told the chickens how she outsmarted the dumb old Eagle.  They all laughed and rewarded her with chicken appreciation, “You’re such a smart chicken Nina!”  You have probably figured out the point of the story that second-hand references can be very dangerous and dis-empowering when enough of them create a great belief.

The third type of reference are imagined-references.  These references do not actually happen, they are created in your mind through your thoughts.  Since you sub-conscious mind cannot distinguish between imaginary and reality, if you think something enough it can start to become true as a reference.  In his book “The winning mind set” by Kevin Seaman, he makes reference to Roger Bannister who was the first person to run a mile in under 4 minutes.  At the time many deemed it impossible, but Roger Bannister used imagined-references to help achieve his goal.  He would put a piece of paper in his running shoes with 3:58 written on it.  Since he had zero first-hand references to his goal, since he had never done it, and since no one else had ever done it, he had zero second-hand references.  He was left with his imagination, and once again our subconscious mind does not know the difference between real or imagined, he started to build up enough references that he “knew” he could beat the record.  He pursued his goal in small bites by shaving seconds of the clock on each run.  He would tell himself, “If I can run the mile in 3 minutes 59 seconds, I know I can do it in 3 minutes 58 seconds, after all its only one second.”  You can see the power of imagined-references and how your imagination can aid in building your belief system.

Next, lets talk about how to control, change, and create the belief system that will help achieve your goals, rather than hinder them.  Tony Robbins compares beliefs to a table.  A table without legs is basically a piece of wood on the floor and is the equivalent of an opinion.  If you add legs to it, it becomes a useful, sturdy piece of furniture and thus a belief.  Think of your beliefs as the top of the table and all your references as the table legs.  The more references you have, the more legs your table has, thus making it more sturdy and harder to collapse.  Since our beliefs can be powering or dis-empowering, when they have many “legs” they become unwavering and this can be bad news for negative beliefs that we would like to change.  Luckily there is a way, that is simple to comprehend, but it will take some work to succeed.

Here are the steps to changing you belief system to align with achieving your goals.

1. Become aware of your belief system. You need to figure out what beliefs are hindering yourself first.  This may sound obvious but many beliefs go unnoticed or can be conflicting in nature.  This will almost always sabotage your goals.  If you have ever attempted to achieve a goal and given up on it, you need to go back and think about “why”.  Ask yourself why you gave up on it.  Was it too hard?  Did you think you weren’t good enough?  Imagine yourself at the very moment you gave up and recall what you said to yourself.  What dialogue did you use that triggered the give up mentality.  The answer you uncover is the negative belief that you must demolish in order to change for the better.
2. Start to challenge the references to the belief. Do you find yourself saying “I can’t!”, or “I’m not good enough; tall enough; strong enough; fast enough; etc?”, or “That doesn’t happen to people like me.”?  These are references to an overall dis-belief in yourself.  It’s time to challenge those reference.  By asking questions about each reference and then writing your answer down, you will create skepticism in that reference.  For example, ask the question, “What part of this action can’t I do and why?  Is it really the whole action I can’t do or just a specific part?  Is it the unfamiliar that is scaring me?”  As you keep asking these types of questions the truth will soon surface and pinpoint the truth to the negative references.  Once the pinpoint has been made, often it ends up being very minuscule and very manageable.  The key is to wheedle it down to its smallest part.
3. Find the bright spots and give them power. Determine if there are any empowering first or second-hand references and reinforce them.  (I use the term “bright spots” quite often because of the extremely positive visual it paints in my head.)  Reinforcement is done by also asking the right questions and writing them down.  Asking such questions as, “Have I ever accomplished something similar before, and if yes, how did I handle it?”, or, “What was my most amazing accomplishment, and how did I go about doing it?”.  People tend to focus more on the negatives in life rather than the positives.  This forces you to think about the positives and with practice will get easier.
4. Imagine the results of giving in to dis-empowering beliefs. This step will take some forward thinking by imagining what you will feel like if you decide to give in to you negative beliefs.  Close your eyes and really focus on what you will look like, how you will feel, and what you will think about yourself if you give in to you negative self.  A majority of people do not forward think about their lives as negative, because it is painful.  We leave it up to chance and hope our lives will be enjoyable.  For the most part it is, but everyone has at least one dream that if isn’t accomplished creates pain.  It’s called the “shoulda, woulda, coulda’s” and everyone has at least one.  The forward thinking will create pain, hopefully enough pain that it will force yourself to take action, to confront your fears and push through to victory.
5. Visualize success in your future. Since your subconscious cannot distinguish between imagination and reality, visualize major success by pushing your imagined self closer and closer to victory.  Since we know that first hand references (our experiences) support our beliefs, which dictate our view of what we can effectively do, and the results of what we do create more personal first-hand references, wouldn’t it make sense to “think” about “doing” and “achieving” more “results” to create imagined-references.  After all imagined-references create table legs too.

There you go, a five step process to changing your hindering beliefs.  Once again these are simple methods, but they are not effective without work and action.  Without action, you only have knowledge, and knowledge without action results in everything staying the same.  So get up, get a pen, and sit down in a comfy chair and get to work, and you will thank me.

Now that we have discussed working with the end in mind, proactivity and the power of choice, I want to discuss two very important circles in your life; the circle of concern and the circle of influence.  Picture two circles, one slightly smaller that resides within the other.  Like how a tire rides on a rim.  The tire would be your circle of concern.  Within this circle of concern resides everything you have ever thought of in your life that concerns you.  This is anything you worry about; are excited about; are angry about; are happy about.  They could be a concern for the environment, or excitement for a wrestling match, or anger about war, whatever the case may be, it resides within your circle of concern.  The smaller circle or the “rim” is your circle of influence.  Anything that concerns you and you can somehow control it or influence the outcome of it resides within you circle of influence.  For example you may have a very tough opponent to wrestle.  You may be feeling anxiety, fear, worry, excitement, anger, etc.  Any concern you have about this opponent falls with in you circle of concern.  How you choose to view these concerns determines whether they are in the circle of concern or the circle of influence.  If you worry about how tough HE is, than your working in your circle of concern.  If you worry about what YOU can do to offset his toughness, than you are working within you circle of influence.  If you fear his devastating double leg takedown than you are working in the circle of concern.  If you are worried how you will offset his double leg takedown, than you are working in the circle of influence.  What it really comes down to is if you ever go outside yourself for the answer to a problem, than that is the first problem.

So each time you are concerned about something always ask yourself what can you do to fix it.  If it is something that is absolutely out of your control, than you need to figure out how to live with it.  Spending precious mental energy on worrying about uncontrollable things is crazy.

Dan Gable prior to the 1972 Olympic Summer Games in Munich, would wake up in the middle of the night and say to himself “the Russians are training!” and he would do push-ups or sit-ups until he was exhausted again.  To me that is an amazing example of someone working within their circle of influence.  He made to conscious choice to take an outside stimulus like the Russians training which he had zero control over, and make it an internal choice to trump their training by training himself harder.  That is an extreme example of working from the inside out.  His concern of having undisputed victories was the catalyst for his choice to train so hard.

You can increase the size of your circle of influence by always being proactive.  Asking the right questions of yourself; doing what is principally right; working from your values; using you power of choice.  All these together will increase you circle of influence to the point where it may be the same size as your circle of concern.  Just remember their will be people out there that do not understand these tools, and might even resent or dislike your approach.  Don’t listen to them, just remember that inside you is all that matters.

So the next time you are concerned with something, make sure you understand where it lies within your circles.  Next, we will discuss emotions and how they should be utilized rather than ignored.

Thanks,

Gerry

Today I want to continue explaining how a personality ethics base can lead to life long struggle and how one key component can catapult you in the right direction.  As I mentioned before, personality ethics utilizes “surface” techniques, and many times they end up being tied to our environments.  You hear many say things like, “I will be happy when the weather is better”, or “Thank god its Friday”.  I believe our vocabulary subconsciously dictates our emotions.  The one major reason I believe this to be true are that people in general do not feel responsible for what happens to them.  They feel victimized by circumstance, and they have no control over their lives.  I felt this way for quite some time.  I was a smoker, who did not exercise, and generally did not take very good care of myself.  In turn I hopped from job to job through my early adulthood, always blaming the company I worked for for my unhappiness.  One day I woke up, and discovered that I could not take this roller coaster of pain any longer.  I began to take notice how damaging my life had become.  That day the pain of the status quote had become much more painful than my impending change.

A second thing happened that day as well.  As I was asking myself a series of questions (which the question topic will be discussed at a later date) on how to get past my pain, my brain responded with “You have a choice, stupid!!”  THAT very answer stirred up a lot of very scary, confusing emotions.  At that very moment I realized I was solely responsible for what had and is happening in my life.  I have no one else to blame for me, and had to build the CHARACTER to handle this new found discovery.  I could no longer allow people to anger myself, as I had a choice.  I no longer had to do things I did not want to do, I had a choice.

Certainly there a several times our choices are made for us, but that is usually determined by what the consequences (both good and bad) will be.  Some will argue that going to work or school is not by our choice.  Yet, it truly is our choice, but we usually make that choice without thought.  That is because the consequences of our choice have greater influence than the choice we are making.  What I mean is if you choose to not go to work, the consequence may be to not get paid or get fired.  The thought of that consequence may create more pain within you, than actually getting up and going to work.  I call that a consequence driven choice, and we deal with many of them on a daily basis.  At the same time, when you are presented with a consequence driven choice, you can make a conscious effort to acknowledge it, and understand that you still have a choice.  That very thought will enlighten and empower you and probably put a smile on your face.

Now I know that the wrestlers in the audience are probably asking what this all has to do with wrestling, and mental preperations and the sort, but trust me, this will all get tied together in the near future.  When it does, you will have what I call an “A-ha” moment, where the light in your head comes on and you see your world around you in a whole different light.

I will leave you with an exercise that will truly help you out.  For the next 21 days (how many days it takes to create solid habits) try to make better choices.  The way to do this is when you are presented with a choice, stop for a minute, think about it, and then make the best choice you can.  Now if it comes down to what to eat, or what clothes to where, don’t spend any time on it as those are irrelevant.  Any serious matter requires the power of choice.  It will be difficult for a while, but you will notice it is well worth it.

Our next discussion will be based on dependent people and how to move to independency by being proactive.

thanks,

Gerry