My quest for personal greatness

Empowing beliefs vs. Limiting beliefs

Written by admin on May 16, 2010 — Leave a Comment

After reading an article by Kevin Seaman about empowering and limiting beliefs I began thinking about my life long struggle with this.  As some of you may know I spent many of my adolescent years wrestling.  I had some marginal successes, but never really achieved the level of success I yearned for.  I watched in frustration as many of my teammates surpassed me to reach great levels of success.  This frustration was a result of KNOWING I was as good if not better at the physical aspect of the sport.  The problem is that the physical aspect makes up maybe 20% of the overall skill set required to compete.

I did not understand about the mental aspect and the severe implications the brain can put on success.  We all use “inner talk” where we talk to ourselves.  I do it quite a bit.  As a matter of fact you are probably doing it right now.  Asking such questions as, “Do people really talk to themselves?”, or “I never talk to myself.”  A rough figure is that people talk to themselves in upwards of 50,000 words a day.  Can you imagine that?  Its no wonder we have conflicting internal beliefs.

After reflecting on my own conflicts I have come up with a couple empowering and limiting beliefs on why I struggled with success in wrestling as an adolescent.

Empowering Beliefs:

  1. I know how to work hard and push myself and others in practice.  I believe I work as hard if not harder than my opponents in practice.
  2. I pick up on good physical technique rather quickly.  I overcome the learning curve of various physical techniques rather quickly.  I have a knack for being able to “feel” that I am moving in the correct manner.  Opposite of that, I can feel if my practice partner is executing proper technique as well.
  3. I am an extremely good teacher at physical techniques as well.  I think it is a result of the “feel” skill I possess.
  4. I demand perfection in doing the technique correctly.  I believe “practice makes perfect” only if the “practice” part is executed correctly.

Limiting beliefs:

  1. I am a people pleaser.  I put others feelings and beliefs ahead of mine.  I hate to let others down.  This one in of its self is not too bad, but when you couple it with the next one, it becomes poisonous.
  2. I fear the expenditure of large quantities of energy into something to only fail at it.  So entering a contest, or venture that requires large sums of work, and their is no certain success creates anxiety within me.
  3. I created a comfort zone as a child to deal with the less than stellar parenting skills of my mother.  I learned from her that failure is failure and not a learning experience.  Any type of failure in wrestling was followed by extreme ridicule and sometimes violence.  My comfort zone consisted of complete shut down from the rest of the world.  I would just sit there and take the abuse.  To fight it was futile, and a fight would only prolong the experience.  I learned very quickly to shut up, and not “poke the bear”.  The major problem I think that came from this was that I was unaware of it, and it started to spill into the rest of my life.
  4. The “comfort zone” spawned into a win-loss mentality that took over my life.  It was easier to take the loss and give up than to push forward and win.  Simple “disagreements” with people about trivial stuff would result in my just “going along” with them so I wouldn’t have to be in a confrontation.  This was truly selling myself out and it indeed created pain, but I had a way of coping.

The internal conflict can be spelled out as follows.  I know how to practice and work like a champion, but my fear of failure and my loss-win mentality hand-cuffs me from ever being a champion.  Essentially my mind is sabotaging my body.  The bright spot here is that I am aware of all this.  The knowledge is on the table.  Couple this knowledge with the fact that my old comfort zone is more painful than the journey to change this habit, I am well on my way to setting new and better habits.

Thanks,

Gerry

Posted in Internal conflict

Integrity

Written by admin on May 5, 2010 — Leave a Comment

Back in 2006, the year my son was born, my family and I lived in Raleigh, NC.  We had moved down their in 2004 hoping for a better opportunity since we had a network of friends.  Well, it didn’t quite work out as planned.  We found that everybody has busy lives and mainly keep to themselves.  Another kicker was, although the construction job market was booming, the wages were not.  Financially we were struggling to keep our heads above water.

In the early summer of 2006 my wife and I agreed we needed to move back to New York.  So, I started looking for employment.  After sending out a couple of resumes, I was contacted by the International Brotherhood of Electrical Workers local 325.  Over the course of the summer I had to take a couple of trips to New York to take a placement exam, and various other meetings.  I was placed as a Journeyman Electrician, and signed the book (everyone signs there name for work, and waits their turn.)

That summer in Binghamton, NY there was a major flood that devastated the area.  With this devastation included an extreme amount of work for the trades.  The scheduled day of me swearing in to the union also meant I needed to go to work.  So I packed my clothes in the car, and kissed my family goodbye.  I had to leave them behind for a while until I found us a place to live in New York. This was very difficult because I had never been away from my family.

Working for about 2 months I found us a place to live.  So I packed up the family and made the trek north.  Once we were settled, and everything seemed cozy the hammer dropped…..

After only 13 weeks of employment, I was laid off.  Now in my line of work that is pretty common.  But this time was different.  We had spent our entire savings on moving, and I had a major delay (almost 6 weeks) before I got an unemployment check from the state of North Carolina.

We headed into winter, no income, bills to pay, kids to feed, and we were running out of fuel oil to heat our house.  This was a pretty hairy situation.  I could feel panic increasing.  I was angry, sad, depressed, and worried all rolled into one.  I did what I vowed I would never do.  We asked for public assistance.

“Why not get another job?”

That question is a good one.  With organized labor, we take an oath.  Part of the union bylaws, we cannot work for any company that is not a signatory company.  That means that any company we work for has made a collective agreement with the union.  Plus, we have to get employment through the union hall.  On top of that, we cannot do any electrical work for money on our own.  So, when you get laid off, you sign the book and you wait your turn.  Sound crazy?  It is, but, the money is good.

During that horrid winter, we scraped and clawed by.  I did whatever I could to put food on the table.  We were just barely getting by.  One Sunday I went to watch my best friend race quads in a winter race series.  At the track I ran into a guy I used to work with in the past.  The current electrical contractor he was working by was in desperate need of electricians.  This was great, I needed a job, they needed help, it would be a win-win situation.  The only kicker was….

They were non-union.  If I went to work with them, I could be fined, dismissed, punished by the union.  I was torn, and scared.  This was a difficult decision to make, until I seen my family.  I looked at them and knew what I had to do.

I went down and applied for a job with this new company.  They offered me a job on the spot and I accepted it.  The next step was to go to the union hall and resign…

Now I am not a confrontational guy.  I avoid it if at all possible.  The company I was going to work for is the arch nemesis of the union.  The union has been trying to get this company to join for years.  I knew if I told the union what my plans were, they would do anything in their powers to get me to help them convert this new company.  The conversion of a non-union company to a union company can be very ugly, so ugly it can resort to a hostile takeover if the employees vote to be organized.

My stomach was tied in knots.  What do I do?  What do I say?  I walked into the Business Agents office and proceeded to fabricate a lie on why I was resigning.  I told him a flat out lie which at the time felt like the right thing to do.  I said I was leaving to proceed on building a business in the music industry.  He was very understanding, and gave me a honorary withdrawal.  This type of withdrawal allowed me to still be a member, but I would not have to pay my working dues.  This meant that if I wanted to come back, I wouldn’t have to pay back any past dues.  Basically I could save money.  This guy was trying to help me out, while I was plunging a knife in his back.

Well, I took the withdrawal shook his hand and left his office.  I went to work with the new company, and never gave it much thought again.  Then down the road I was unemployed again, and had to drag my butt back to the union.  They obviously heard what I did, and of course they were not too pleased.  I was basically reprimanded and scalded.  All of which I deeply deserved.  Not to mention, I had to work with many of the guys who feel I personally attacked them by the stunt I pulled.

Now 4 years later, the wounds have healed, and people have forgotten, and forgiven me for my actions.  The only problem, I have not forgiven myself.  I cannot let it go, even though I try to justify my actions to feed my family.  I chose to give away my integrity, and I have to live with that for the rest of my life.  I will always worry about what others think of me, even if they are not.  It is like having a personal scarlet letter.  You can never shake the shame you have when you act dishonestly.  What I should have done was put my fear aside, state my case on why I was resigning, and told them sorry, I have to feed my family.  They would not have been happy, but I would of been viewed respect for my integrity, rather than a liar.

Remember:  It easier to nurse a bloody nose, than a bloody conscience.  -Larry Winget

Thanks,

Gerry

Posted in Uncategorized

One reason change can be hard

Written by admin on May 4, 2010 — Leave a Comment

O.k., here we go, our first story…

About 5 weeks ago I got an Email on my Facebook page.  This person had introduced themselves as the program director at CNYMMA, a mixed martial arts school.  A while back I had befriended them on Facebook and discussed the possibility of trying them out.  Like most people I procrastinated and said, “I’ll call them tomorrow”, and everyday it was always “tomorrow”.

The new program director was different.  I was at work when she called, and I recognized the number, so I answered. (Which anyone who knows me personally, I don’t answer my phone too much.)  I can’t explain why, but I did.  She introduced herself and the first thing she asked was “What are your goals?”.  I have never had anyone ask me that question.  I was kind of caught off guard, and had to take a minute to think.  I then realized that even though I had goals, they really weren’t concrete.  I had to actually think about it, rather than rattle them off quickly.

So, after some thought, I explained my goals to her.  She didn’t waste anytime and asked when I wanted to take my free introductory class.  Once again, she caught me off guard, and I had to think quickly.  So I answered “whenever, anytime after 4pm” (that’s what time I leave work), and at that moment I was committed, there was no backing out now, I was stuck.  So, she quickly came back with, “How about tonight at 6:45?”  Boy this girl was good!  Caught off guard again.  So of course, now freshly committed, I said “Sure.”

6:30pm that night I arrived at the gym with a thousand things racing through my mind.  The thought of just ditching the whole idea came to mind quite a few times.  I was extremely nervous, and my confidence level was in the basement.  I walked in and introduced myself, and we went into her office.  We began to talk about my background, my family, my dreams, my fears and just about everything in between.  It was great to be able to talk with someone about myself, and have them get excited for me.

She began to explain the history of CNYMMA, and what their mission was.  They are committed to setting and achieving goals.  They believe in setting a huge goal, and breaking it down into little weekly goals.  As well as setting goals they encourage tracking them as well.  I felt in good hands, and the excitement was building, until she threw me to the wolves….

Practice started, and I fell in line (in the back of the room of course).  We warmed up, the typical stuff, and stretched.  Then we partnered up and the instructor began showing us some punching combos.  WHOLLY COW, me eyes got as big as the sun.  “How am I gonna do this?”, I thought to myself.  Well, I had a partner with some experience and I caught on pretty quickly.  All in all the night was a success, and I signed on right on the spot.

5 weeks later, and I have set a major goal for next summer of competing in my first full contact fight.  This long term goal has spawned many smaller sub-goals as well.  Diet change, mental conditioning, weight training, goal tracking.  These are things I have never considered before, and they are very empowering.

So the moral to this story is basically, when you want to try something, don’t give it too much thought.  Our minds have a way of talking us out of things.  It does this to keep us safe, because the “unknown” is inherently dangerous to us.  Also, if you want to make a change, you need to “clear the path”, and make the transition smooth and unobstructed.  This excellent book by the Heath Brothers explains how to make change easier.

The program director, made my decisions easy, because she cleared the path.  She forced me to commit, and didn’t accept any “I will need to think about it” answers.  But you don’t need someone to make you commit.  Think about a change you want to make, or something you want to try, and determine the next action, do it, and take the baby steps to get there.  Don’t think about details, you can figure those out along the way.  Just keep the big picture in mind and live big.

thanks,

Gerry

Posted in Personal Change | Tagged , , ,

Welcome back, sorry for the long break

Written by admin on May 4, 2010 — Leave a Comment

Hello everyone, I know its been a long time between posts.  I thank everyone who still checks my site.  After much pondering I have decided to change directions on this site.  Instead of rehashing other people’s ideas into my own words, I want to really add value to this site.  So…….

I have decided to write about experiences in my own life, and try to link a moral to the story.  After doing some research I have learned that if you want an idea to “stick”, try telling a story that reinforces that.  (If you want to read a great book on that idea pick up “Made to Stick” by Chip and Dan Heath.)

I am also going to change how the site looks.  Since this site is going to be a reflection of myself, it will have pictures and ads and various other tidbits that highly interest me.  I really would like this to be an interactive website, so please feel free to comment or Email me about questions, comments and concerns because I want this site to help you as well.

Thank you once again for sticking with me, and if your new to my site, stick around because it’s going to be an enjoyable ride…..

Thanks,

Gerry

Posted in A new beginning | Tagged

The circles: Circle of Concern and the Circle of Influence…

Written by admin on October 13, 2009 — 3 Comments

Now that we have discussed working with the end in mind, proactivity and the power of choice, I want to discuss two very important circles in your life; the circle of concern and the circle of influence.  Picture two circles, one slightly smaller that resides within the other.  Like how a tire rides on a rim.  The tire would be your circle of concern.  Within this circle of concern resides everything you have ever thought of in your life that concerns you.  This is anything you worry about; are excited about; are angry about; are happy about.  They could be a concern for the environment, or excitement for a wrestling match, or anger about war, whatever the case may be, it resides within your circle of concern.  The smaller circle or the “rim” is your circle of influence.  Anything that concerns you and you can somehow control it or influence the outcome of it resides within you circle of influence.  For example you may have a very tough opponent to wrestle.  You may be feeling anxiety, fear, worry, excitement, anger, etc.  Any concern you have about this opponent falls with in you circle of concern.  How you choose to view these concerns determines whether they are in the circle of concern or the circle of influence.  If you worry about how tough HE is, than your working in your circle of concern.  If you worry about what YOU can do to offset his toughness, than you are working within you circle of influence.  If you fear his devastating double leg takedown than you are working in the circle of concern.  If you are worried how you will offset his double leg takedown, than you are working in the circle of influence.  What it really comes down to is if you ever go outside yourself for the answer to a problem, than that is the first problem.

So each time you are concerned about something always ask yourself what can you do to fix it.  If it is something that is absolutely out of your control, than you need to figure out how to live with it.  Spending precious mental energy on worrying about uncontrollable things is crazy.

Dan Gable prior to the 1972 Olympic Summer Games in Munich, would wake up in the middle of the night and say to himself “the Russians are training!” and he would do push-ups or sit-ups until he was exhausted again.  To me that is an amazing example of someone working within their circle of influence.  He made to conscious choice to take an outside stimulus like the Russians training which he had zero control over, and make it an internal choice to trump their training by training himself harder.  That is an extreme example of working from the inside out.  His concern of having undisputed victories was the catalyst for his choice to train so hard.

You can increase the size of your circle of influence by always being proactive.  Asking the right questions of yourself; doing what is principally right; working from your values; using you power of choice.  All these together will increase you circle of influence to the point where it may be the same size as your circle of concern.  Just remember their will be people out there that do not understand these tools, and might even resent or dislike your approach.  Don’t listen to them, just remember that inside you is all that matters.

So the next time you are concerned with something, make sure you understand where it lies within your circles.  Next, we will discuss emotions and how they should be utilized rather than ignored.

Thanks,

Gerry

Posted in circle's of influence; concern | Tagged , , ,

Working with the end in mind….

Written by admin on October 10, 2009 — Leave a Comment

OK, so you have an understanding of proactivity and a basic idea of working with the end in mind.  Awesome, you now have an edge over your competition.  We still have a long way to go, but remember that the journey is just as important as the destination.

So lets dig deeper into working with the end in mind.  What is so important about this concept, and how will it aid wrestlers?

  1. When visualizing the end results, you need to use your imagination.  When you tap your creative energy you move from self-doubt into possibility.  Your creative mind only cares about what “can” happen not what won’t.  It does not know the definition of “can’t”.  Your mind does not discriminate between what is real and what is imagined.  So the more you operate at this energy level, the more your mind “see’s” you achieving your goal, the more confidence your “logical” mind receives to actually take action and pursue your goal.
  2. When you visualize the end result, write down what it is.  Then think backwards about all the “milestones” you need to reach along the way.  Think in great detail, brainstorm everything and write it down.  Don’t worry if it seems like a bad idea, because the sorting will be done later.  When you write all the information down it creates an imprinted “booklet” in your cognitive mind, and the more you “see” the information, the more your mind believes it to be true.  As well as creating a cognitive link in your mind, you also have a visual aid or a road map to help if suddenly you get derailed or stalled along the way.
  3. Lastly by creating this plan on paper it allows you to show it to your support staff.  When your support staff can see your ideas, they may even have some awesome ideas you never thought of.  This can lead to an even greater plan, and could open your mind to other possibilities.  This kind of joint effort is known as “synergy”, which by definition is the interaction of two or more agents or forces so that their combined effect is greater than the sum of their individual (1+1=3 idea).  This allows you to discuss your goals with your coach, parents, wife, girlfriend, whoever you have designated as your accountability partner.  Your accountability partner is essentially your milestone police; they are the one’s who will make sure you are staying on track, and kick your butt if your not.

In closing you would never drive somewhere strange without a road map, so why live your life without one?  Hopefully you now can see why planning your goals, writing them down and sharing them will help you achieve them.

Next we will discuss the circle of concern and the circle of influence and what they mean.

Thanks,

Gerry

Posted in working with the end in mind | Tagged , ,

Being proactive and what it means…..

Written by admin on October 8, 2009 — Leave a Comment

When we discussed the power of choice I hope it opened some eyes.  We get bombarded with stressers all day, everyday and it is easy to get overwhelmed and overdrawn and it is easy to blame others for our shortcomings.  When we recall that we indeed have the power to choose our reactions to those stressers, it puts us back in control.  We empower ourselves and work from our constant within.  In this post I discussed principles and their meaning.  When we work out of principles and values, and remember our power of choice it moves us from being dependent on our environment to being in control.  The next step is becoming proactive and move into independency.

What does the word proactive mean to you?  To me it means to be active first, to happen first.  It means to not wait for direction to take action, its action and result oriented behavior that’s done without direction.  This is where the wrestlers in my audience are going to start to have an “A-ha” moment.  How many wrestlers show up to practice and wait for the coach to tell you to start warming up?  How many guys out there show up to practice and start warming up before their coach tells them to?  I am betting that the majority wait for direction.  This is not your fault, we have lived in a society that conditions people to wait till they are told to take action.  This is an ideal that was created back when we moved from the agricultural age to the industrial age.  In industry machines do all the work and people operate the machines.  Since this is a repeatable task, and all the thought work had been taken out of it, people’s thoughts and talents don’t matter, they in essence are viewed as dumb objects that require management.  All that is needed is a supervisor to oversee everything.  One “coach” to take care of all the workers.  This thought process slowly crept into our psyche and conditioned us to handle every aspect of our lives in that same fashion.  We simply wait for directions.  Now don’t get me wrong, there are times when you need to wait for direction, but a majority of the time you do not.

This is where proactivity changes the rules of the game.  YOU know what needs to be done to achieve at your sport, so be proactive and do what needs to be done.  A coach is there only to support YOU, and to help YOU when YOU need it.  Remember that YOU have a choice to take YOUR wrestling to the next level.  No one else is going to do it for you.  No one else is going to make your choices for you.  So a proactive approach to your career might be to determine where YOU want to be.  Do you want to be a conference champion, state champion, national champion, olympic champion?  Whatever it may be you need to acknowledge where you want to be.  Once you know where you want to go then think backwards and WRITE DOWN every milestone that needs to be achieved along the way to get to your ultimate goal.  This is called working with the end in mind.  When you work with the end in mind, you are forcing your brain to encounter every obstacle you may encounter.  When you “reverse” engineer your career, you take the guess work out of what needs to be done.  This will further push your proactivity by pushing you to do what needs to be done to achieve your goals.  Every great champion does not wait for directions, because they already know what direction they need to go in.  They just require the support of others to get there.

All this can only be achieved by being proactive.  If you wait for someone to tell you what to do, you already missed the boat.  Maybe use the slogan I use…..The world doesn’t happen to me, I happen to the world!!!  So now you have a few tools to get started.  You now have a different view of yourself and your career.  You have taken back control of yourself, and are taking responsibility for your actions.  What you do with it is your choice….

Next I will elaborate on the working with the end in mind, as well as talk about your circle of influence and your circle of concern.

Thanks,

Gerry

Posted in proactive | Tagged ,

The power of choice….

Written by admin on October 7, 2009 — 2 Comments

Today I want to continue explaining how a personality ethics base can lead to life long struggle and how one key component can catapult you in the right direction.  As I mentioned before, personality ethics utilizes “surface” techniques, and many times they end up being tied to our environments.  You hear many say things like, “I will be happy when the weather is better”, or “Thank god its Friday”.  I believe our vocabulary subconsciously dictates our emotions.  The one major reason I believe this to be true are that people in general do not feel responsible for what happens to them.  They feel victimized by circumstance, and they have no control over their lives.  I felt this way for quite some time.  I was a smoker, who did not exercise, and generally did not take very good care of myself.  In turn I hopped from job to job through my early adulthood, always blaming the company I worked for for my unhappiness.  One day I woke up, and discovered that I could not take this roller coaster of pain any longer.  I began to take notice how damaging my life had become.  That day the pain of the status quote had become much more painful than my impending change.

A second thing happened that day as well.  As I was asking myself a series of questions (which the question topic will be discussed at a later date) on how to get past my pain, my brain responded with “You have a choice, stupid!!”  THAT very answer stirred up a lot of very scary, confusing emotions.  At that very moment I realized I was solely responsible for what had and is happening in my life.  I have no one else to blame for me, and had to build the CHARACTER to handle this new found discovery.  I could no longer allow people to anger myself, as I had a choice.  I no longer had to do things I did not want to do, I had a choice.

Certainly there a several times our choices are made for us, but that is usually determined by what the consequences (both good and bad) will be.  Some will argue that going to work or school is not by our choice.  Yet, it truly is our choice, but we usually make that choice without thought.  That is because the consequences of our choice have greater influence than the choice we are making.  What I mean is if you choose to not go to work, the consequence may be to not get paid or get fired.  The thought of that consequence may create more pain within you, than actually getting up and going to work.  I call that a consequence driven choice, and we deal with many of them on a daily basis.  At the same time, when you are presented with a consequence driven choice, you can make a conscious effort to acknowledge it, and understand that you still have a choice.  That very thought will enlighten and empower you and probably put a smile on your face.

Now I know that the wrestlers in the audience are probably asking what this all has to do with wrestling, and mental preperations and the sort, but trust me, this will all get tied together in the near future.  When it does, you will have what I call an “A-ha” moment, where the light in your head comes on and you see your world around you in a whole different light.

I will leave you with an exercise that will truly help you out.  For the next 21 days (how many days it takes to create solid habits) try to make better choices.  The way to do this is when you are presented with a choice, stop for a minute, think about it, and then make the best choice you can.  Now if it comes down to what to eat, or what clothes to where, don’t spend any time on it as those are irrelevant.  Any serious matter requires the power of choice.  It will be difficult for a while, but you will notice it is well worth it.

Our next discussion will be based on dependent people and how to move to independency by being proactive.

thanks,

Gerry

Posted in the power of choice | Tagged

The first step to greatness…

Written by admin on October 4, 2009 — Leave a Comment

I can remember the feeling.  The room was dark, our hoods were up.  All the guys were jumping around, and you could feel their labored breathing.  I felt my heart slamming against the walls of my chest, and the knot further tightening within my stomach.  Just on the other side of the door was a packed house of family, friends, and foes.  The music started, the crowd roared, and we burst through the door….

This was a typical pre-match ritual my wrestling team went through before each home match.  I really think we went to great heights, even greater than our opponents, to increase our intensity.  We utilized lighting, sounds, smells, essentially all of our senses to increase the energy flow within the venue.  There was one flaw with our tactics….We never took the time to understand how to correctly interpret what we were experiencing.  My first varsity experience was when I was a 15 year old freshman.  I was wrestling at 167 lbs., (which may be the most populated weight class) and I was the largest out of all my other freshmen friends.  I was terrified, and had never experienced such fear in the sport I so loved.  I was confused by all this.  My first varsity match was with a senior, someone 3 years older than I.  I had to choke down the vomit that the butterflies in my stomach wanted to expel.  I was SCARED. That very moment began the momentum that would eventually lead to my gradual dislike for the sport I spent over a decade loving.  What had happened?  How could this have happened?

Prior to World War 1 people acted according to character ethics.  Character ethics state that one will integrate principles within their character.  Principles are natural laws that govern us all, and we inherently know right from wrong.  Having a principle center creates long term, concrete values that stem from within.  A principle center, coupled with the power of choice, create independent people who have an unwavering insane level of integrity, honesty, fairness and compassion for others.  These people are naturally interdependent.  Before contracts, and lawyers, and litigation man had a handshake and his word.  These two characteristic traits were more powerful than any contract ever written in history.

After World War 1 character ethics were subordinate to personality ethics.  According to the personality ethic, there are skills and techniques one may learn and a public image, personality and attitudes one may develop that result in success.  The major flaw with personality ethics is its basis on what I call “surface” techniques.  The belief that if you want to be something all you have to do is act the part.  For example the technique that if you want to be a positive person all you have to do is act positive.  This technique may yield temporary results, but in the long run one will revert back to their core beliefs.  I believe a great number of athletes within the American culture are suffering from personality ethics ideals.  They do not understand their core values, and perpetuate the vicious cycle of instituting surface techniques only to regress to their root behavior.  This cycle creates much pain and confusion.  This eventually leads to discouragement and rejection.

This is exactly what happened to me in high school.  I never took the time to understand my own core beliefs, mainly because I failed to notice it existed.  I bought into the personality ethics, and I tried to “think” my problems away.  I tried to gain mental toughness by acting the part, only to regress back to my fear.  Every time I regressed I reinforced the fear to the point of it becoming crippling.  This immense pain coupled with my confusion on what was happening led to self destruction.  I would spend more time and energy avoiding the pain rather than seek the answer to overcome it.  I couldn’t compete at the level I knew I was capable of and this downward spiral perpetuated for the remainder of my career in high school.  I rode the rollercoaster of excelling at matches I knew I would win, and struggling with tough competition, sometimes choking.

So in closing, ask yourself this one question:   What does the term, power of choice, mean to you?  This question will lead us into the change from the external, outside in personality ethics base to the internal, inside out personality ethics base.

Thanks,

Gerry

Posted in character ethics vs. personality ethics | Tagged , ,

The beginning of a long journey….

Written by admin on October 2, 2009 — Leave a Comment

I began wrestling in 3rd grade, and as I look back on my 14 yr career I am grateful for the lifelong lessons I have learned from it.  I have decided to give back to a sport that has given me so much, by helping wrestlers achieve greatness in not only wrestling, but life.  Each post I write will dig deeper into the human psyche and really get to the root of how champions really think and behave.  Champions like Rulan Gardner, Bruce Baumgartner, Dan Gable, Tom and Terry Brands and a whole host of others.

I will discuss how our psyche works by introducing the four intelligences of the body whole and how each contribute to who we are.  Mind (IQ), Body (PQ), Heart (EQ), and Soul (SQ) when properly balanced will create a synergistic experience that will allow one to operate with great power, in essence work within “the zone”.

I will also discuss why I believe modern sports psychology will not deliver consistent results; how one can be physically fit yet not healthy; why suppressing ones emotions can lead to catastrophic failure; how to move from dependent to independent to interdependent, and what those moves mean and why those moves are crucial;  how esoteric (external)  motivators can actually hinder one’s progress;  a system that will clear the mind of all nagging thoughts so that total focus on the task at hand can be achieved; why many fall short of their goals, and a system to simplify goal setting and achievement.

I hope you join me on this journey to greatness.  I am not a professional psychologist so these posts are my opinions and I look forward to your comments.  Please keep your comments professional and constructive in nature.  I will not tolerate bad language or slander.  Good luck

Gerry

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